Cox Thrust into Tight Spot Behind Bars Following Arrest for Sexual Assault

"You can't catch me. No one can catch me... unless you're the police."

Denver Broncos rookie cornerback Perrish Cox was arrested on Thursday on charges of sexual assault stemming from an incident on October 28. On that day, Cox wasn't with the team when they departed for London to play the San Francisco 49ers in week eight. The week before, Cox suffered a concussion against the Oakland Raiders.

While his guilt has yet to be proven, one has to figure that however this turns out it won't be good for Cox. Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger was suspended six games to start the season following the second of the two sexual-assault accusations against him. While Roethlisberger's "sentence" was eventually reduced based on his good behaviour, one has to take into account that no charges were ever filed against him. The same cannot be said for Cox, who, if acquitted, likely will face more severe supplementary discipline at the hands of commissioner Roger Goodell. There's also the small distinction between the two players of Roethlisberger being a legitimate star and Cox not so much.

It's easy to build a case of nepotism against the NFL when discussing the suspensions it's issued in the past and ones it's conveniently neglected to (Houston Texans wide-receiver Andre Johnson after his dust-up with Tennessee Titans cornerback Cortland Finnegan, with the Texans next playing the Philadelphia Eagles in a game being broadcast on the NFL Network), but in this case Cox doesn't have nearly enough going for him in that regard to even merit the benefit of the doubt. Anytime your name is uttered in the same sentence as the league's personal-conduct policy, it's a good bet it won't turn out well for you. Most will say it's turned out pretty badly already for Cox.

Colts' Victory Overshadows Titans' Loss in Same Game

Someone should tell the Tennessee Titans that they changed their name from the Oilers a while back, because somewhere along the way they've sprung a leak.

Everyone has heard by now that the Indianapolis Colts have snapped out of their three-game funk, following Thursday's 30-28 victory over the Tennessee Titans on Thursday. But few are talking about how the Titans doubled up on the Colts' recent woes with their season-high losing streak hitting six yesterday.

When there are only 16 games to be played, you had better make damn sure that your losing streaks are kept to a minimum, and, under no circumstances are they to encompass over one third of your friggin' season. At that point, it's really just a pitiful cry out for help in the vain of a drug-addict son returning home asking for money to *ahem* get some "dinner". In the case of the Titans, their drug of choice seems to controversy, and lots of it.

For one example, it's clear that heading into the game Tennessee would have taken those 11 interceptions Peyton Manning had thrown in his last three games in a heartbeat over their current quarterback situation, because at least with the picks they would have gotten just a struggling QB in a package deal instead of the broken one they've got right now. We're talking beyond repair.

"On the plus side, I'm playing just like Peyton Manning."

Vince Young, now gone for the season, seems determined to act his name and like a hormonal, pubescent teenager, whose latest growth spurt has targeted his oversized head, both literally and figuratively. Cornerback Cortland Finnegan spends 90% of his time acting like a jackass, 9% making like Houston Texan wide-receiver Andre Johnson's punching bag, and the other 1% likely in a therapists' chair likely discussing some deep unresolved mother issues. And wide-receiver Randy Moss has been such a welcome addition to the team that the losing streak only became a streak by hitting two games once he arrived. Indeed, not only has Moss not been a gamebreaker, the Titans haven't even won a game with him playing.

Perhaps this latest loss best epitomizes the Titans' season so far. At one point they were down 21-0, but tried valiantly to get back in the game and did only to eventually fall short. Right now, no matter how many games they win to try and dig themselves from out of the grave they're in, all hope is pretty much lost. With three games left to play, it's still mathematically possible for the 5-8 Titans to make the playoffs, but you had to believe that yesterday's loss against a division rival was a must-win for there to be even a remotely realistic possibility of that happening. Jeff Fisher's decision to punt the ball late in the game with the score 27-21 at fourth and one was probably a mistake, one most melodramatic journalists might say cost Tennessee its season, but it was really only a mistake because it's become readily apparent that the team has nothing left to lose anymore. Even its dignity got lost a long time ago.

Fans booed the decision to send out the punting unit, but maybe they had just incorrectly assumed that they stood a chance, that the Colts were just the team to get them out of their rut, but truth be told deep inside they had to realize that it was the other way around and that all things being equal Indianapolis is just better. At this point, so are 30 others.

Former-NFLer McCants Finally Gets Famous... for Getting Busted

Former-NFL-linebacker Keith McCants never really lived up to the hype of being a fourth-overall pick by the Tampa Bay Buccaneers back in 1990, but, for the next little while at least, he's earned the name recognition of a bona-fide star after getting busted for crack-cocaine possession on Wednesday morning in Florida.

McCants is considered one of the great busts of the NFL draft, getting cut by the Bucs in 1993 and playing a total of just six seasons with the Bucs, along with the Houston Oilers and Arizona Cardinals. He's also had several run-ins with the law prior to this latest incident, most of which are related to the possession of drugs or drug paraphernalia.

So, to all those kids out there that have a dream that they don't think they can ever achieve, think of McCants... and just do the opposite. You should turn out just fine.

Pennington Can still Pen the Proper Ending to His Underrated Career

"Owww."

Athletes sacrifice their bodies for the good of their teams all the time. But, at this point, it would seem Miami Dolphins quarterback Chad Pennington is actually hoping to become a one-armed human-robotic freak over ever actually winning anything of value in the NFL.

A general rule of thumb would be if you're making a bid for a third trophy in your career and it's for NFL Comeback Player of the Year-honours, you probably shouldn't be tempting fate to give you a chance at a fourth. And, yet, Pennington, who suffered his fourth serious shoulder injury in November, is still contemplating returning after his scheduled surgery on Friday and eventual rehabilitation. 

There's got to be a point, one would think, where he would get sick of constantly having to pop painkillers, unless these injuries are just a cover to feed his ever-growing addiction to the stuff. It's no doubt a stretch, seeing as Hollywood sob stories aren't even crafted this well:

After triumphantly regaining the starting job in Miami over teammate Chad Henne, Pennington remained healthy for just one play in a November game against the Tennessee Titans. On the second play, he separated his shoulder. On the third, after popping it back in, he completed a 19-yard pass. There was no fourth.

Maybe Pennington should take a cue and a hint from the unfortunate sequence of events and realize all the extra effort exhausted in trying to test the physical limitations of the human body is all for naught. I mean, for a Dolphin, he ain't too bright. Of course, he was once a New York Jet, so that may explain some things.

Pennington is an unsung QB if there ever was one. He has a career passing percentage of 66%, which, surprisingly, is the all-time best. But when you've only started four games in the last two seasons, all the signs are pointing to retirement. At 34 years of age, no one can realistically call it an early one. Pennington has withstood the test of time long enough. Now it's time for him to walk into the sunset and count his blessings that a wonky shoulder is the worst he has to live with after an 11-year career that unfortunately didn't last nearly that long.

Look at it this way: no one wants to be another Brett Favre and hang on too late, thereby becoming the punchline of every football joke known to man. And that's even considering how returning and likely still ending up a better passer despite a bad throwing arm would constitute well-deserved revenge for having the starting job stolen away from him in New York once upon a time. Favre's made his bed (insert aforementioned punchline here), but that doesn't mean Pennington can't take a well-deserved rest in another.

Suh Pays Through His Teeth for Doing what Everyone Secretly Wants to Do: Hitting Jay Cutler

Detroit Lions defensive-lineman Ndamukong Suh reportedly got fined $15,000 by the NFL on Wednesday for this hit to the back of the head of Chicago Bears quarterback Jay Cutler last Sunday, during a game the Bears ultimately won 24-20. Suh plans to appeal based on the fact that it was not a forearm, as was the on-field ruling which resulted in an unnecessary-roughness penalty, but just a hard push... that and it was Jake freakin' Cutler. His last-ditch attempt, should those  arguments fall through? He mistook Cutler for his own QB Drew Stanton, trying to beat some sense into him for doing the "Dougie" in the end zone earlier in the game.

Haynesworth Continues to Prove He Ain’t Worth the Hanes He Puts on Every Morning

"Look at me! I'm flying... straight off the radar as a legitimate athlete."

Washington Redskins nose-tackle Albert Haynesworth says he's surprised that he's suspended, which really isn't all that surprising in itself considering he’s acted outright shocked in the past that he has to maintain some level of physical conditioning as a professional athlete. Who knew?

Whatever Haynesworth's reaction to the news, the only surprise the general public should have, in regard to the Redskins' decision to suspend Haynesworth four games for conduct detrimental to the team on Tuesday, is why it took the team so long.

We’re talking about a player that not only couldn’t pass a conditioning test most asthmatic high-school rejects could, but one that had been late for team meetings, appeared hung-over at practice and admitted to having gone out drinking the previous night, and has refused to cooperate with the Redskins’ coaching staff for the simple reason that the team wasn’t playing a system that showcased his abilities and allowed him to actually play half-decently.

The fact that he believes he could be the best ever at his position only if he plays the way he wants to is proof that he never will. The best athletes are able to adapt to their surroundings, fit into whatever system the coaches choose. Anyone can be great at a game that they make up (BASEketball, anyone?), but it takes a truly great athlete to excel playing by someone else’s rules and to not be, shall we say, a little “female dog” about it. 

He really has been acting out like a problem child, kicking and screaming every step of the way this season, throwing a tantrum in the grocery store in order to get his mother to buy him the one brand of cereal he wants. Knowing his fitness level, it’s probably something really unhealthy like Lucky Charms, as in what he’ll need to jump-start his career again, if this latest black stain ever fades.

Admittedly quarterback Donovan McNabb has had his share of controversy dealing with the two-headed monster that is the Shanahan family, but with Haynesworth a supposed two-time All-Pro defensive lineman he really only has to deal with head-coach Mike and not offensive-coordinator Kyle. For a guy known to take joy in the small indulgences life has to offer, he sure has found it hard to take joy in the small blessings as well.

Now, lucky for him, he doesn’t have to deal with the team at all and likely won’t ever again as his days as a Redskin are clearly numbered. Good on Shanahan for putting the team first, even if this decision of his perpetuates what has been a huge embarrassment for the organization. As for Haynesworth, he may very well get traded in the off-season... that is if Washington can find another team willing to take on an oversized baby.

Cool Your Jets, Jets Fans; Nothing's Lost... yet

The New York Jets saved their worst for when it counted the most, losing 45-3 to the New England Patriots yesterday on perhaps the biggest stage a regular-season game can have in a Monday Night Football telecast. As a result, the Patriots have the inside track to winning the AFC East and talk of another monumental Jets collapse has already started... among even the most die-hard fanatics of the team.

Some may argue that fans have good reason to get nervous, looking back to just 2008 when an 8-3 team went 1-4 to end the season. Now at 9-3, the team could conceivably lose the last four games of the season and end up in the same spot: out of the playoffs.

It's as though every single Jets fan, nine-year olds included, were looking forward to a second-straight victory over the Patriots (because the Jets did win by two touchdowns, 28-14, in week two in their only other match-up this season, thereby proving they're not as bad as yesterday's loss would indicate) to the point of getting a little carried away (or a lot in the case of those very same nine-year olds; see picture below) in the lead-up to the game. With the rout, the sky is clearly falling in on itself and fans can't seem to act appropriately and be just slightly disappointed in the game's result.

Someone forgot to point out to the kid that Brady's weakest point is his hair.

Even in a nation in which people seem to take physical competition a little too seriously, does it not bother anyone else that at least one elementary-school kid is dreaming up overly violent intentions on a scrap piece of paper for a school assignment, towards someone he has never even met no less, or that the two-year old below knows the names of all the teams in the NFL, but that among students of industrialized nations Americans rank 24th in math and science? I mean, there are worse things in the world than seeing your team lose a game, or even miss the playoffs. Unfortunately, both of these kids are likely to experience that very real possibility firsthand when they decide to forego studying for their SATS in favour of watching a playoff game en route to becoming a career short-order cook at their local McDonald's.

Of course, there are several reasons why the Jets won't miss the postseason, much to the chagrin of the team's clearly masochistic fans. For starters, if everyone is so worried about history repeating itself, look back to that aforementioned 2008 season. Sure, right now, the 6-6 Indianapolis Colts are the on the outside looking in, and there's little disputing that everyone had them making the playoffs to the start the season, but good teams do miss out every now and then. In fact, back in 2008, the 11-5 Patriots did as well, just one year after reaching the Super Bowl. If the Patriots can miss the playoffs, there's no doubt that Peyton Manning and the Colts can as well. Of course, that also means that the Jets and Mark Sanchez can too, but don't forget that the Jets also have three games on them... with just four left to play.

That right there should serve as enough reassurance, especially with all the other teams that could push the Jets out of one of the last playoff spots (assuming a scenario in which they do lose out on the division) are at 6-6 or worse. Even the 8-4 Baltimore Ravens would just push them out of the first wild-card spot, for which they are currently in line. For two other reasons, the Jets play the Miami Dolphins and Buffalo Bills (as well as the Pittsburgh Steelers and the Chicago Bears), two teams New York should beat. And if the Jets go 2-2 the rest of the way, they're in.

And, finally, head-coach Rex Ryan isn't Eric Mangini and has an actual winning record over his career. To say Ryan believes in his team would be a gross understatement. He went so far as to predict they would soon be champions, so signing the Jets logo on the back of ESPN's tour bus during the off-season. While that's far from an actual guarantee that the Jets will win this year or at all, it does constitute a measure of confidence that seems to be sorely lacking in the the New York area right about now. Few believed in the Jets making it this far and now that they have an impressive record to match Ryan's bold prediction everyone is taking one single loss a little too seriously.

The Jets no doubt lost huge on Monday and saved their worst up to this point for the Patriots. But it could have been worse all the same. There could have been much more on the line than the peace of mind of a fragile, scorned-too-often fan base. Perhaps what scares Jets fans the most is that there soon could be, once the Jets make the playoffs... and then promptly lose their Wild Card playoff. Now no one's saying that won't happen. Hopefully Jets fans know good therapists for their kids when it does.

Jameel McClain Gets Fined $40K for Doing His Best Impression of Spider-Man Villain Rhino

Funny, you would think if there was one Spider-Man villian Baltimore Ravens linebacker Jameel McClain would choose to emulate it would be the Vulture, but, alas, no. The only imitating of a vulture he did on the play, which saw Pittsburgh Steelers tight-end Heath Miller get concussed ,was in picking off defenseless prey. Truth be told, let's all be grateful that the concussion is all Miller suffered, because the slow-motion replay made it look like it could have been a whole lot worse.

As a result of his actions and incredible impersonation abilities, McClain, who also channeled Rhino's stupidity on the play perfectly, was fined $40,000 by the NFL on Monday night, one day after the Steelers beat him and his team 13-10, a game in which Pittsburgh quarterback Ben Roethlisberger led his team to victory playing on a broken foot, an injury the Steelers denied existed, saying it was just sprained. What's truly hilarious is that the team also denied he suffered a broken nose in the game, an end result for which Ravens nose-tackle Haloti Ngata was also fined $15,000 on Monday.

"It's not broken... it's just an optical illusion. In fact, this is all a dream and you're just imagining... screw it. Yeah, it's broken.

The official party line was that it was just bloody, which is about as bald-faced a lie as saying that the ground got in the way of Ravens QB Joe Flacco's last failed pass of the game. In any case, while it's easy to understand why the Steelers would lie about the foot (and not make it more of a target), it still remains a mystery as to why the team would deem it necessary not to call a spade a spade in regard to his clearly broken nose.

It's not as if his face would ever be as easily accessible as his foot to opponents. Really, even the hand rake that caused the fracture was about as isolated an incident as you can get, thanks to this new invention called a football helmet, with which the add-on face mask has been included for just the past 70 years or so.

In fact, looking at the footage, it's incredibly hard to pinpoint the exact point at which the nose gets broken, which I guess is fair considering it's a minor miracle McClain didn't break Miller's nose or worse on his hit. In the end, yeah, the Steelers got the last laugh, but nothing was really funny about the league having to hand down yet more supplementary discipline for hits to the head... even Flacco's pathetic last incomplete pass, even Roethlisberger's broken nose that maybe constitutes an improvement.

Someone Should Tell Drew Stanton the Lions not only Haven't Won the Game, but Are 2-9

Make it 2-10 after Sunday's 24-20 Detroit Lions loss to the Chicago Bears. Here, Lions quarterback Drew Stanton shows off some of his dance moves on Sunday, after scoring a touchdown early on against the Bears to make the score 6-0. As far as touchdown celebrations go, it definitely could have been more obnoxious, but, then again, it also could have been better. Here's Washington Wizards point-guard John Wall performing the "Dougie" as it ought to. Whoever says white men have no rhythm was probably watching Stanton's version.

Then again, if I was Stanton, the third-string QB on a less-than-mediocre team, I'd probably try to celebrate my high-points a whole lot more. Of course, I would also be wishing my name was anything other than my own. Dougie away, Drew. Dougie away while you still can, because once Matthew Stafford and Shaun Hill come back, you'll likely have more success pursuing a hip-hop career than getting back on the field.

Don Meredith Passes away at 72

Former Dallas Cowboys quarterback Don Meredith passed away Sunday at the age of 72. Reports indicate he suffered a brain hemorrhage and lapsed into a coma. He was an all-time great that will most definitely be remembered fondly by football fans all over America, if not for his time with the Cowboys, than as a broadcaster. You will be missed.